by UB staff therapist Kiya Immergluck, LCPC
If I had to narrow down to one word what keeps a relationship healthy, it’s over-communication! Here are five of the worse communication mistakes that couples make:
- “My partner should know by now what I want!” Each of us is inundated by intense stimuli at work and home and in the media. With all those distractions, subtle cues don’t work. Ask for what you want and don’t resent the repetition.
- “I’m better off keeping quiet.” While it’s true that couples need to carefully “pick their battles,” persistent problems need to be discussed. It may help to have a counselor present, or to learn how to “fight fair,” but keeping quiet too long can sometimes lead to an explosion.
- “I’m tired of rejection, so we hardly have sex anymore.” Physical intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship. Start small with more cuddling and hand-holding. Ask for what you need and see if you can both move toward re-kindling your sexual connection.
- “I get so angry that I yell and swear at my partner.” No one likes to be criticized and problems are rarely resolved with finger-pointing. Get as calm as you can, ask if your partner is available for a discussion and then start by claiming your own part in the problem.
- “I don’t remember the last time we said ‘I love you’ to each other.” I suggest saying it every single day, and adding a little compliment.
Try these five ideas with your partner for the next month. You may be surprised how simple changes in attitude and behavior can greatly enhance a relationship. If you do try these ideas, and your relationship is still struggling, consider seeing one of our terrific therapists at Urban Balance. We have over 70 gifted therapists at seven locations.